Blag and Dick Talk about Punk in the Park and Cocaine
Man vs. Machine pen and ink on paper—all photos AND ALL ART FROM NOW ON ©dickslaughter.com
Note to the ISM art and graphic design department: I love you. Especially you, Paul Rotzler. You are a true genius. Your AI “THE DEAD KENNEDYS” flyer was hilarious on so many levels, and it gets funnier by the minute.
To quote one of the many comments on Instagram: “Your AI is the cherry on top of this shit sundae. Chef’s kiss.”
In retaliation, I drew a picture of Blag for this article. It’s punk as fuck. Maybe too much so. Drawn while high on reefer, in one shot, not photoshopped, with a pen my roommate stole from his ex-wife, who stole it from work, on the back of a Covered California bill I can’t afford because the fucking robots keep stealing my jobs.
I guess the machines win again. I made the mistake of showing the portrait to Mr. Dahlia. He requested that we not release it, as he felt he was not depicted in a tasteful manner. More importantly, he was more concerned people might think he drew it.
Even Blag has his limits.
The Dwarves at the Rebellion Festivals—all photos courtesy of ©dickslaughter.com
Blag Dahlia, also known as Earl Lee Grace or Ralph Champagne, is more than just the frontman of the notorious punk legends THE DWARVES. He’s a versatile artist who's written three novels, acted, and narrated in films and TV shows and isn't hard on the peepers either, having been voted the In Spite Magazine Celebrity Punk of the Month in December 2024. But there is one thing Blag has never been, and that was booked at the now-canceled Punk in the Park in Pittsburgh or in California, for that matter. but definitely not Pittsburgh. Blag wanted it very clear during the fact-checking.
The Dwarves were never booked on the PITP show in Pittsburgh. I think he may have been kicked out of all of Pennsylvania by the Dutch Mafia.
It’s worth mentioning that we did this interview before Punk in the Park was canceled. Mr. Daliha had time and opportunity to ask me to edit out questions or pull the whole thing. He didn't. (In spite) of what anyone thinks, Blag is a real one. There is no bullshit on his part in my experience, and that is rare in the rock and roll business, even rarer for a rock and roll legend, and even rarer that he has a sense of humor. and
THE DWARVES where never booked in Pittsburgh
Dick: Alright, right to it, Punk in the Park! Are you jealous of other bands getting paid double?
Blag: I’m jealous of other bands getting anything. If they have a bus, I want to strangle them. If I had my way, we’d massacre all the other bands just to hear the cries of their children and the lamentations of their women.
Dick: Were you surprised about the Trump thing? Do you care?
Blag: I spend as much time thinking about Trump as he does about me. I have considered a three-way with Ivanka and Melania, though.
Dick: Would you take Codefendants spot that just opened in Pittsburgh?
Blag: That depends on whether I’m allowed to wear a better suit or whether I have to go to Goodwill to get one of theirs.
My mother thought Blag was so handsome. I am named after her mother.
Dick: Do you think President Trump is doing a good job?
Blag: He’s doing a good job destroying our country, yes.
Dick: Do you prefer to keep the politics out of punk?
Blag: The only thing worse than a bunch of idiots talking about politics is a bunch of idiots singing about politics.
Dick: How many grams in an 8-ball?
Blag: Seven if you’re lucky.
Dick: Are you registered to vote?
Blag: Yes, since 1984. Symbolic, no?
Balg would have been the coolest stepdad.
Dick: What party?
Blag: I don’t belong to any organized political party. I’m a Democrat.
Dick: Who is more punk rock, Ericka Kirk or Courtney Love?
Blag: I’m not sure, but I know who I’d rather sleep with.
Dick: Do you think they both killed their husbands?
Blag: One was a dope; the other was on dope.
Dick: Didn't you play the last Punk in the Park on the I-ain't-walking-over-there stage? Were you contractually obligated?
Blag: As long as the check clears, we’ll play any stage.
Dick: Did they pay you double?
Blag: You might want to look into the whole ‘mathematics’ thing. They paid us double a number and also half of a number, as well as 100% of a number and the square root of yet another number.
Good looks with a side of integrity—Blag Dahlia
Dick: Are you in the Epstein files?
Blag: Yes, under the heading—"Most Well-Hung Rock Legend Who Avoided Child Molesters And Oligarchs Completely
Dick: Would you hide undocumented immigrants in your basement? Are you hiding undocumented immigrants in your basement now?
Blag: Only Melania.
Dick: Do you prefer fentanyl over baby laxative? In your cocaine
Blag: Fentanyl is a bad drug. I don’t want to die in my pursuit of pleasure. Cocaine on the other hand…
Dick: Have the Trump tariffs caused the price of cocaine to rise beyond a reasonable amount?
Blag: Rule one is never pay for cocaine when you’re a Rock legend.
Dick: America first or Israel first?
Blag: America first, last, and always. I’m also partial to Norway, Indonesia, and Zimbabwe.
Dick: Do you think if Punk in the Park just changed the name, we all would have just pretended it was a new thing and not said shit?
Blag: Probably.
Classic black and white Blag—The Dwarves at the Rebellion Festivals—all photos courtesy of ©dickslaughter.com
Dick: Is MAGA the new punk?
Blag: Only in the sense that the people involved are hopeless, dumb, and don’t know how to dress themselves.
Dick: Would you eat a baby if it made you young?
Blag: What do you mean ‘if ’?
Dick: Do you think Trump gave Bill Clinton a blowjob?
Blag: While one of them is smarter than the other, they both should have known better.
Dick: Do you think if Brew Ha Ha just gave free beer to all the punks, we would vote for Trump for a third term?
Blag: He’s not going to survive until his third term, but he’ll be elected anyway.
Dick: Do blue lives matter?
Blag: As much as any lives matter, which is to say, NO.
Dick: Do you think Fat Mike looks good in a dress?
I thought he looked lovely, Fat Mike at the last NOFX—all photos courtesy of ©dickslaughter.com
Blag: I think he thinks he looks good in a dress. As long as he avoids the recording studio, I’m happy.
Dick: Freebase or crack?
Blag: Crack. Who has spare ether lying around?
Dick: Are you playing Coachella this year?
Blag: My invitation must have been lost in the mail.
Dick: Is there anything you'd like to add?
Blag:
The Dwarves Are Still the Best Band Ever. Our brand new JENKEM LP drops in June!
Vote Blag Dahlia in 2028 if there is one. —all photos courtesy of ©dickslaughter.com
