Rebellion Exclusive: ISM Photographs Lost in Blackpool, Adam Ant Coverage saved by crude drawings
I’m guessing there was a timer and it had to be done in less than 7 seconds — Art by Ricardo So-and-So
BLACKPOOL, UK — Disaster has struck the In Spite Magazine newsroom.
Our crack team of seasoned festival correspondents, or more accurately festival correspondents, probably on crack were dispatched to Rebellion Festivals with one simple assignment: photograph Adam Ant and write a review.
Instead, what arrived in our inbox was six felt-tip marker drawings on lined notebook paper from a freelance "Slam Pit Reportage Artist" identifying himself only as Ricardo Jeoffrey or occasionally Richardo Geoffrey or other variations.
Police later confirmed no one by that name appears to exist. His artistic interpretations of the evening appear to have been completed sometime between the second pint and complete artistic indifference.
A bucket hat, really? — Art by Ricardo Jeoffrey
Where Are Our Correspondents?
Veteran In Spite operatives John Greenwood and Dick Slaughter were last seen confidently marching toward the Winter Gardens insisting they "knew exactly where they were going."
They have not been reliably located since. Authorities have issued what can only be described as a Spiked Silver Hair Alert after it was discovered the pair were not heard from after the Adam Ant performance. Eyewitnesses place two distinctive-looking punk gentlemen inside various Blackpool pubs debating whether punk died in 1980 or more officially by 1984 when Crass broke up.
Another witness claims they were overheard passionately explaining to confused twenty-somethings why buying records used to require "commitment and lower back strength."
A chip shop employee reported one customer declaring:
"Adam Ant was magnificent."
before immediately asking...
"Is it Rebellion weekend already?’
Unfortunately, this has done little to narrow the search.
The Drawings Tell a Story...
They insist they do. Three of the six drawings are unmistakably Adam Ant, thanks almost entirely to the helpful identifiers like a base drum that reads "ADAM ANT." Without the labels, we'd have assumed at least one was a pirate, one a stylish scarecrow, and one was somebody's uncle enjoying a renaissance fair.
One drawing depicts... something; I'm pretty sure it’s the stage shot with the native headdress logo? Experts agree it is a drawing of something.
One illustration is a crowd shot, which is fair enough if you've ever wondered what several thousand punk rockers would look like after being interpreted by someone armed with a black felt-tip marker and approximately seven seconds of patience. Our personal favorite captures the modern concert experience perfectly: audience members with their mobile phones held proudly straight up in the air. Because of course that's what the kids do these days.
At least they have their phones held horizontally — Art by Ricardo Geoffrey
The Official Review
Since our photographers apparently dissolved into the Blackpool landscape, we're forced to rely on eyewitness testimony, six notebook sketches, and the overwhelming consensus echoing across Rebellion Festival:
Adam Ant smashed it. The crowd sang. The crowd danced. The crowd remembered why some artists survive on swagger, eyeliner, trademark jackets, and enough charisma to make an entire room shout "Stand and Deliver!"
Meanwhile, our own representatives appear to have become permanent fixtures of the Blackpool pub ecosystem.
It took me a minute, but this must be the stage with Native American-themed headdress as worn by Snoopy—Art by Ricard Geoffrey
If Found...
Should you encounter John Greenwood and Dick Slaughter, please approach calmly.
Do NOT startle them with modern technology. Offer tea. Possibly chips. Ask them where they left home without their cameras or medication. If they begin enthusiastically recounting the early years of punk for the fifteenth consecutive time, simply nod politely and let them finish.
As for Ricardo Geoffreys...
If anyone knows who he is or where he learned that six felt-tip drawings on lined notebook paper constitute acceptable photojournalism, please contact the magazine. We'd like to commission him for every festival from now on. Mostly because, at this point, he seems to be the only member of our team who filed anything on time.
